Breaking News: Phones Don't Deliver Actual Human Connection

In the four months we’ve been “Safer at Home,” I’ve been using my phone much more often than I previously allowed myself. Text messages, Instagram Direct Messages, FaceBook comments, Messenger notifications, WhatsApp...I get little dopamine boosts from all of that. And I feel that familiar deflated loneliness after checking all my sources and there’s nothing left. As a self-proclaimed digital minimal-ish person, my overuse of technology feels very hypocritical. 

I’ve done all I can to limit my digital exposure already: I only follow immediate family and very close friends on Facebook, I’ve muted most Instagram stories, and I maintain strict “Do Not Disturb Hours.” Despite these measures, I feel the siren call of my phone more than ever.

“Dancers,” Denver’s Performing Arts Sculpture Park (Cornish, 2016)

We reach for human connection, but we’re really just reaching for tiny computers with cameras.

The desire for human connection is so powerful that I’ve become confused. I reach for my phone to fulfill my need to authentically connect with people. But, I’m really just reaching for a sophisticated, tiny computer with a camera.

While seeking freedom from society and conformity, Christopher McCandless came to the realization that "happiness is only real when shared."

But, what happens when we’re not able to physically share our lives with our loved ones? I’m not alone in my reliance on social media and text messages to replace my need for actual human connection. 

It’s a very human trait to seek other people to share our lives with. Eventually the COVID-19 pandemic will subside and we’ll be left to deal with the aftermath. But, there’s also the question of how we’re coping in the meantime.

As we continue to reach for authentic human connection via our phones, we’re doing prolonged damage to our bodies and minds, as well as and setting up poor digital habits for the future.

Who should we give our hearts to? Our phones or our friends? Street art, Denver (Cornish, 2016)

More than ever, we’re personifying our cellular devices.

We go to them, we coddle them, and we carefully bathe them in disinfectant. We reach in our pockets and purses just to feel the hope of future connections. We personalize their voices, ringtones, alerts, and notifications so that they reflect our personalities. Some of us tuck our phones in at night, happily laying them next to us on our pillows, unaware of the harm that we might be unintentionally doing to ourselves. 

Did you know that 71% of Americans sleep with or sleep next to their phones? And, when you look at the younger generations, the percentage can be up to 90%? Why?

1. Many people (myself included) don’t have an external alarm clock - we use our phones. So, it’s convenient to have them next to the bed so we can turn them off in the morning. 

2. Phones and mobile devices are also used for entertainment before bed. Many people read on their phones, catch up on the news or social media, or watch videos before bed. 

3. Lots of people like the comfort of their nearby devices to fill an unconscious need for connection, and to deflect the dreaded Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). The idea here is, if our phones are out of the room, we might miss something! Even while we are sleeping!

4. Many may suffer from actual cell-phone addiction. Often referred to as “problematic mobile phone use,” cell-phone addiction is similar to other addictions such as gambling, shopping, or video-game addiction. This can lead to some really severe consequences.

Applications on our mobile devices fool us into thinking that they are delivering actual human connection.

There hasn’t been enough time to study long term effects of phone use, since “smart phones” haven’t been around for long enough. 

What studies have shown, however, is that phones emit electromagnetic radiation, or EMF, along with several other sources of radiation. Cell signals, WiFi, Bluetooth, and GPS all emit subtle radiation from our phones.

For these reasons, it’s not a great idea to sleep with your phone. If there is some truth to these recent studies, it’s best that we shield ourselves from these harmful things as much as possible. But, if you must sleep near your phone, please turn your phone to airplane mode. This greatly reduces and may even eliminate the signals coming from our phones.

Use airplane mode to reduce distractions and harmful radiation

Control your phone; don’t let it control you. 

If you, like me, are feeling powerless to the lure of your device, don’t beat yourself up. It’s a weird time. But, do take certain measures to make sure you rely on healthy methods of connection.

How to take back control of your device:

1. Keep your phone on silent when you don’t need to use it.

2. Enable Do Not Disturb Mode for evening hours.

3. Make use of Airplane Mode even when you’re not on an airplane. This saves battery and reduces harm to our minds and bodies.

4. If you have it, enable Nighttime Mode to reduce blue light exposure. The idea here is that exposing ourselves to too much blue light can adversely effect sleep.

5. Choose to read a book instead of using a phone before bed. Screens block melatonin secretion. Melatonin is a hormone essential for sleep. When we use our phones before bed, we don't feel tired; instead, we feel activated and awake. Our quality of sleep can be improved when we choose to do something else other than reach for our phones.

6. Seek out fulfilling ways to connect with family and friends. We can set up a socially-distanced get together in an outdoor space; we could use the “phone” capability of our phones to actually call family and friends instead of text messaging. We can also schedule video calls at a time when blue light exposure won’t mess with sleep; or, we can create and send handwritten letters or little care packages to loved ones: it’s a great way to maintain and rejuvenate important relationships.

Street art, Wicker Park Chicago (Cornish, 2009)

Gaining control of our devices can help us connect with the important things in life.

Putting boundaries in place between ourselves and technology can enhance our productivity, (re)build our faculties of concentration, strengthen the important relationships in our lives, and improve our overall well-being and health.

Have you been reaching for your phone a lot more during the COVID-19 pandemic? If so, how have you been able to find a middle ground? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below or share via email at ali.everthrive@gmail.com.

With gratitude always,

Ali

The Importance of Disconnecting to Reconnect

Written with a very special thanks to Netherthong Primary's Year Six students and their teacher Martin Clayton

The average person spends 10 hours online each day and sleeps less than seven hours each night. Worldwide, two-billion people own smartphones. Over a third of households subscribe to video-streaming services like Hulu, Netflix, or HBO Go. 

Just as drive-throughs satisfy our busy, automobile-driving lives, personal devices satisfy our busy, information-hungry desires.

In this modern era, we no longer need to wait to find the answers we crave or the social connections we desire. We no longer need to venture to the library to seek information or to Blockbuster Video for entertainment. We no longer have to wait days or weeks or months for our favorite shows and movies to air on TV. We can have it all right now without needing to leave our homes. Our devices are convenient outlets for explorations of all kinds. Boundless exploration is at our fingertips.

We have the option to be connected in at any time. But, is it really necessary? 

I have observed media habits for seven years as an educator. My students use iPads to access textbooks, notetaking applications, and external resources. iPads are an unfortunate requirement of the modern education system, since they capable of receiving notifications at any time from Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and various sports applications. Students seem to be dstracted at all times of day, not just during class. I see kids in the hallways, so mesmerized by their glowing screens that they ignore their friends and fail to look where they are walking. One particular student of mine regularly boasts about his uncanny ability to function normally at school despite his proclivity to binge-watch Netflix shows all night long!

What is lost when we are plugged in?

Spending more than 70 hours a week online doesn’t leave much time for anything else. It doesn’t leave any time to develop and pursue hobbies, spend time with loved ones, travel, or complete necessary household tasks. We barely have any time left to learn, to create, and to live our lives. We are neglecting our personal relationships, our chores, and even our safety by choosing to spend more time in a digital world. There is an increased risk of illness and obesity associated with the sedentary nature of technology use. When we spend too much time online, whether it is due to using the internet, email, social media, or texting, we can become sleep deprived and disconnected with reality, leading to numerous psychological ramifications. In addition, if our wireless connection is suddenly disrupted, we end up feeling anxious, helpless, lost, and alone.

To combat the rising dependence on technology, more and more people are gravitating towards something called a “digital detox.”

What is a digital detox?

A digital detox is a period of time when a technology user abstains from devices like smartphones, computers, wearables, or tablets in order to reconnect and ground themselves more fully to the physical world.

What’s the point of a digital detox?

Digital detoxes are geared towards breaking technology habits and rekindling relationships with the real world. This can be done through disconnection with the virtual world, since studies have shown that disconnecting from devices can reduce stress and increase productivity. Once disconnected, we can experience a more focused connection with ourselves and others. Digital detox practices are meant to increase our feelings of self-other awareness, to revive feelings of empathy for our fellow humans, and to restore balance to our lives.

Who is doing a Digital Detox?

Organizations such as Camp Grounded and Digital Detox make it easy for companies to organize tech-free retreats to give employees breaks from screen time. Virgin Airlines integrates digital detoxifying techniques into their workdays by having employees turn off their devices between 10 a.m. and noon on Wednesdays. During this time of disconnection, employees engage in group brainstorming sessions while taking walks in nature. Virgin hopes these “Disconnection Wednesdays” will help foster feelings of work-life balance.

Digital Detox and Education

Even educational institutions like high schools and grade schools are including digital detoxes into their curriculum. The rationale for digital detoxes in schools is to help students use technology more responsibly since it is an inevitable part of the future. And, kids are the future!

I’ve often wondered what a tech-free week would do for the youth. What would it be like to force kids to leave technology alone for a week? Would students’ technology habits change once they completed the detox?

I had the recent privilege of connecting with the Netherthong Primary School in Holmfirth, England, where Year Six (apprx. 5th grade) students have just completed a week-long digital detox. These kids have never known a world without constant connection. After reaching out and chatting with Martin Clayton, a teacher of Netherthong Primary who recently led his students through a digital detox, I was able to gather some data about their experience.

Netherthong Primary School and the Digital Detox

“It’s good to take a break from digital things.” - Jake, student at Netherthong Primary (scroll down to view quotes from other students!)

Prior to the week-long digital detox, most of the children had heard about the practice, and they were confident they could abstain from technology, even though they claimed it was necessary to use certain tech items daily, such as computers, laptops, smartboards, video game systems, iPads, iPods, mobile phones, smart phones, and televisions. Most reported using some form of technology for at least two hours a day, and some students reported that they needed to use technology for up to 35 hours a week!

According to 10-year-olds...

How can personal technology be beneficial?

Most claimed that technology is fun, since it offers an interactive route of communication through social media, text, and email. One student reported that it is easier to call someone rather than talk in person. Others understand that the digital world is a good route to quick information, and one responded very astutely that going online is a practical aspect of working a job. They all reported that smartphones can help in an emergency.

How can personal technology be harmful?

I was surprised at how much they knew about this subject. In terms of the harmful effects of technology, these kids knew that technology can be easily abused. One student reported that personal devices gives users "too much freedom from responsibility;" others said that technology "makes it easy to send hurtful emails and texts," and that technological freedom often empowers cyberbullies. They were wary of “internet trolls” and the ease by which people can stalk others online. One student claimed that if used too much, technology can be addictive; in addition, staring at devices all day not only takes time away from the family, it can also damage the eyesight and the brain.

After completing the tech-free week, how did these kids feel about the digital detox?

In reflecting on the detox, the majority really liked it. One insisted that it was a “great experience!” Most felt that, while disconnecting was difficult, the digital detox was interesting and worthwhile. One “found it interesting to talk to people in real life.” In general, the break from technology forced them to be more social - it helped them to do things they normally wouldn’t do, like “go exploring,” "spend more time with family and friends," “read more books,” and “play board games.” A few kids even admitted they were more respectful to their parents while abstaining from technology.

Of course, most thought the detox was very difficult, but they understood that the trial was worth it. One student wrote that the digital detox “was hard but [she] enjoyed it and it made [her] less grumpy.” Many felt that it was hard to avoid the TV. One reported being really bored: there was “nothing to do all week!” Another “didn’t like that [he] couldn’t FaceTime [his] friends.” In general, while most parents joined their children in the detox, it was difficult for the students whose families didn’t support the detox. Only a few of the students would have liked to continue the cleanse for more than a week, but most found that a week was just right to understand the importance of disconnecting.

When I sent them the survey, they were off the cleanse for around three weeks, so I thought perhaps they had gone back to their original habits. However, to my surprise, they still felt the benefits of the digital detox.

How was the digital detox beneficial?

After the detox, students reported increased concentration levels and test scores. They felt more organized, and continued to spend more time with families instead of succumb to the draw of their devices. One reported feeling “more peaceful and more awake at school.” They continued to go outside more, and talk to people instead relying mainly on text. Most reported getting better quality sleep since they weren’t looking at their phones before bedtime. They all said they felt differently about using technology after the cleanse, and are determined to use technology more mindfully.

Even though my study of the effects of disconnecting was long-distance and not a scientific study completed by a reputable research organization, I think that the results can still be highly relevant and applicable to our lives. Believe it or not, the world will never be as analog as it is now, as technological advances are exponentially growing. The children at Netherthong Primary will agree, it's important to use technology meaningfully and intentionally, and not in ways that hurt ourselves or others. 

Hey Netherthong Primary! What would you like to tell Everthrive's readers about disconnecting from technology?

 “Cutting down on electrical items can be good for you.” - Toby

“It really helps you with tests and friendship.” - Emma J.

“Everyone should try it and see what a beautiful world we live in.” Emma F.

“[Technology] can be helpful, but addictive.” - Jessica

“You must try it, it will be super good if you did!” - Thomas

“It's a fun way of getting more involved with the past.” - Skye

“We are very lucky to have digital products so do not waste them.” - Lucas

“It’s hard but if you're determined I'll guarantee you that you will get through it and have a great experience.” – Will

“It’s hard but worth it.” - Oliver

“There are more things to do than using technology and although you might think [a digital detox] would be boring, it’s actually very interesting.” - Annie

“Don’t watch screens as much.” – Daisy

“It’s a good thing to do because you see things differently and seem more concentrated and involved in your family.” – Taylor

“You talk to a lot more people you normally don’t talk to.” – Owain

“It is very useful.” – Zara

“Try it because it can be fun and you will find out that you can sleep a bit more.” – Izzy

“It’s easy if everyone around you participates.” – Paddy

“It feels boring and fun at the same time.” – Anton

“You can learn new things about other people.” -James

“Do it because it’s worth it.” – Ethan

“I think we all should try it and it is actually a great experience.” – Geena

“Cutting down on electrical items can be good for you.” – Toby

“It helps your communication.” – Luc

“It’s very fun and interesting!” – Harry

“It helps your brain relax more when you don’t play on video games and things.” -Scarlett

“[Taking a digital detox] is better for you and you are involved more with everything.” - Jay

“Try the digital detox because you spend more time with your family.” – Isla

Take the Slow Way

In our hectic lives, we seem to move very quickly. We are constantly bombarded with information, tasks, and noise. If you're like me, most days I strive to get as much done as possible. Before I realize it, mornings turn into evenings; my alarm clock seems to wake me up right after my head hits the pillow. And, during the night, I often experience anxiety dreams where I have to reach some kind of goal and I simply cannot accomplish it.

All these are results of pursuing what I like to call a "carpe diem" sort of life, where I try to accomplish so many things by "living in the moment," a mantra for many. However, "seizing the day," or rather, "capturing the day," only helps us to conquer, subdue, and even kill our days instead of actually living them. Living in the moment offers nothing to alleviate stress, over-stimulation, and noise from our lives.

Sometimes it's necessary to take a break from living in the moment. Sometimes it's necessary to "take the slow way." 

Three years ago, my husband took me on a date to an event called Tour de Fat, New Belgium Brewery's annual traveling festival that showcases zany entertainment, game show parodies, an interactive fashion showdown, and a car-for-bike swap. What makes this festival different from other street festivals is not only its eclectic nature, but also the fact that at its core lies the the idea of "taking the slow way." This concept is highlighted by New Belgium's iconic logo: a simple beach cruiser bicycle. 

A bike is a varied thing: there are so many types of bicycles! New Belgium's emblematic choice of a beach cruiser (instead of a road bike, mountain bike, city bike, recumbent bike, etc.) epitomizes the idea of "taking it slow," which is one of New Belgium's core values. The cruiser bike insignia is a call for beer lovers to choose quality over quantity, and supports the idea of drinking craft beer slowly in order to appreciate the taste and savor the experience. In this way, New Belgium supports the idea of living a simple life, at a slower pace. 

I loved how New Belgium takes the concept of slowing down and connects it to something as simple and familiar as enjoying a beer. This connection makes it easy to visualize and apply "taking the slow way" to choices we make in our daily lives. Huge improvements can be made to our mental and physical well-being if we just slow down. By slowing down, we allow ourselves time to think about how we are living life. Slowing down gives us space to evaluate our choices and make new goals. And, as a happy consequence, slowing down will help us make our fleeting time on earth as meaningful as possible.  

Here are six small changes we can make to "take the slow way," and to reconnect with ourselves and our surroundings:

Walk or ride a bike to work instead of taking a car. This seems like a fairly common idea, but I had to include it. Biking disconnects us from the quick "A to B" commute, and instead connects us to our surroundings, the environment, and our mental and physical health. Even choosing public transportation over driving to work can be beneficial as it takes us out of our protective bubbles and challenges us with the experience of self-orientation and punctuality. Public transit also gives us the opportunity to see ourselves as social creatures, and part of a bigger system. If biking or public transport are out-of-the-question, try to fit in a walk or a bike-ride on the weekend. It will give you a valuable change of pace and allow your mind a break from the responsibilities of life.

Travel differently. Instead of visiting three new cities in five days, choose to visit only one city. This way, you can gradually immerse yourself into the culture, and experience the nuances of daily life. This idea of a lengthened cultural immersion has been dubbed "slow travel"; the method suggests we linger in one place to really get the feel for it, and "take the time to learn the rhythms of local life" without rushing from one tourist destination to the next (Shakwell). You can even spend time doing nothing to allow for restful contemplation of the travel experience. Slow travel allows us to foster a stronger connection to the place we're visiting, and allows us a nice break from our fast-paced daily life.

Cook from scratch. Instead of dining out, grabbing take-out, or reheating something from the freezer or from a can, try creating something original for dinner. Not only will the meal be healthier and free from preservatives and excess amounts of sodium, but it will also leave you more satisfied since it meal was a product of your own efforts. Allowing yourself to accept the challenge of cooking something from scratch will help you grow as a chef, will give you power over your meal choices, and will hone your ability to live life at a slower pace.

Grant yourself permission to breathe consciously. Taking one deep breath helps us to pause, reflect, and refocus our perceptions, and inevitable helps us to slow down. Conscious breathing can help us approach and conquer things like anxiety and stress. Henrick Edburg, in his article "The Power of Breathing," suggests taking two minutes away from stressful situations to slow down and focus on breath. I've found that two minutes is more than enough to find space when our hectic worlds expand and devour us.

Allow for silence. Give yourself some quiet time to think and to rest. Our daily lives are very full of noise, most of which we are unaware. When we make time for silence, we are helping our nervous systems restore themselves. Silence assists in sustaining energy to complete mental and physical tasks, and silence "conditions our minds to be more adaptive and responsive to the complex environments in which so many of us now live, work, and lead" (Talbot-Zorn and Marz.) Silence promotes mindfulness and reflection, both of which have been linked to positive mental health changes and increased quality of life. 

Disconnect from our devices. Today, time spent in the digital world seems to be a necessity, but oftentimes we confuse necessary digital time with needless distracted time. You might check out a few posts of mine, "Be Free" or "Put Down Your Phone and Live Your Life" where I emphasize the importance of constructing definitive boundaries between ourselves and technology. Setting boundaries helps us reconnect with experiences and people in the real world. Leave your phone at home, in your car, or be content that it is resting quietly in your pocket or purse. Turn on Airplane mode to reduce distractions. There are even applications you can download that can track your cell phone use.  

At the core of "taking the slow way" is the important task of reflection. Giving ourselves time to rest and think gives us the power to see the world differently, and to commit to making the change towards living intentional and meaningful lives. Similar to enjoying a quality beer, we should drink life slowly to appreciate the taste and savor the experience.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, over-tasked, and overstimulated, break away from the call to live each day to its fullest. Give yourself permission to Take the Slow Way. 

"Put Down the Phone and Live your Life!" - Cupid

I was recently at a New Belgium beer and bike festival (check out my post about Tour de Fat for Chicago Beer Geeks) where my husband and I spent many hours experiencing interactive spectacles, delicious beer, live music and amusements galore.

On our way to see Mucca Pazza, a Chicago based nerd-core band, we encountered a traveling karaoke stage. A mother and her young daughter were in the throes of the final verse from "Total Eclipse of the Heart." A large crowd gathered around the stage. All eyes were on Mom in all her glory.

The Handsome Little Devils were in charge of this stage. One of them, dressed as an angel, invited spectators up to the stage to sing, the other, dressed as cupid, worked the crowd. Cupid interacted with spectators, pleading with them to have a reaction, to "Feel something!" And, of course, we reciprocated with clapping and cheering, until Cupid's "Feel something!" became directed at one man in particular. This man was on his mobile device, and his phone was comically situated directly between his face and the stage, as he must have been deeply involved in sharing his experience with the world. 

Cupid called him out, "Put down the phone and live your life!" The man was visibly embarrassed - everyone was staring at him by this time - so he stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

Cupid's plea echoed through the crowd, we looked at one another first in amusement, then in denial (No, no I'm not on my phone! That guy is!) and then in collective affirmation. Yes, this statement applies to all of us. "Put down your phone and live your life!" became subliminal, other worldly, a message from a higher power. Yes, Cupid was right. We should all put down our phones and live our lives.

We all want to participate in the awesome stuff of life. But, nowadays, it seems like the awesome stuff doesn't exist unless we post it to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Google+, and whatever new platform those internet gurus have created. Since we're so absorbed with online documentation of our lives, the importance of actually living is lost. It has become much more important to let others know that we are doing awesome stuff.

This idea links to a previous post of mine, entitled "Be Free" , in which I emphasize the importance of constructing definitive boundaries between ourselves and technology so that we can actually connect with experiences and people in the real world. Leave your phone at home, in your car, or be content that it is resting quietly in your pocket or purse. Turn on Airplane mode to reduce distractions. There are even applications you can download that can track your cell phone use.

The man on his phone at Tour de Fat wasn't doing anything wrong. He was exhibiting behaviors that exist in all of us. Sometimes life requires cell phone use, but most times, life does not. We all have one life to live, and we have the obligation to live our lives to the fullest. Life happens in real time, in real space, with real people and experiences. We shouldn't waste our times on our phones when we should be living our lives, out there*, in reality.

*I realize you may be reading this article on your phone or computer screen, so this world - the internet blogging world - should be referred to as "in here," while the real world is "out there." So, get out there! Put down the phone and live your life!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Find Yourself Lost

Gone are the days where we stubbornly refused for directions; gone is the anxiety caused by a missed highway exit. Lonely gas station attendants everywhere wait in vain to assist wayward travelers.  People are rarely late due to "getting lost," since personal GPS  devices are ubiquitous and necessary aspects of modern society. 

Gone is the necessity of finding our own way.

Since the advent of our awareness, our parents have painstakingly referenced complex atlases, gifting them to us for our birthdays, claiming "printed maps are the only true method" and warning us not to trust the Garmin. No one will forget how Dwight and Michael from "The Office" steered right into a lake because the GPS told them to. In this clip, Dwight and Michael show how "computers are trying to murder you." Of course, it's not as grave as that, but there is something to be said concerning the benefits to finding our own way. 

When we create routes and remember them, we are exercising an important cognitive function of our developing brains: the creation of mental maps. These maps tell us where things are in relation to each other and help us to orient ourselves. When GPS takes over, we stop piecing mental pictures together of where we've been, put less work into our maps, and we lose the innate ability to find our way. As soon as we take out our devices, we rob ourselves of an important mental task. Instead of allowing our minds to discover, we turn to our screens, blindly following the green path towards our destination. 

Studies show that people who consistently rely on GPS tend to have less gray matter in the part of the brain in charge of interpreting spacial information: the hippocampus. A small, weak hippocampus may indicate a greater risk for developing dementia, schizophrenia, and PTSD. In order to ensure the health of our minds, we should use our orienting faculties to the fullest potential. We can protect ourselves from mental decline by trying to be more reliant on our instinctual faculties for map making, and to be less ignorant of our surroundings.

Of course, it is impossible to be aware of everything that surrounds us, but it is important to remember landmarks, street names, unique aspects of our environments that, when contemplated, may help us become more thoughtful, interesting people. When we rely solely on devices, we lose the "chance to have a greater awareness of [our] environment,” according to John Huth, author of The Lost Art of Finding our Way, “It’s almost like depriving yourself of music, or a conversation with another person. There’s a richness that you’re missing out on.” 

Whether it's to defer mental decline or to enhance our lives, we should make an effort to be less reliant on technology to orient ourselves in the world. Let's try going somewhere without our phones. Explore a different neighborhood, and rely on street signs and landmarks. Commute to work with our phones in the backseat, signal off, and see what happens. For the extremists out there, take a trip to the back-country, and rely on those archaic paper maps, as well as those age-old orientation devices: the sun, moon and stars. In this way, we give ourselves an opportunity to exercise, strengthen, and grow. By practicing the lost art of self-orientation, we can enhance our minds and expand our souls. 

Be Free

Free – adj: liberated, unoccupied, available to use.

Busy – adj: not free; occupied; unavailable to use.

These days, most everyone is busy.

Fully in charge of our busyness, we say “yes” more often than “no” in order to satisfy the need to belong, to maintain our self-esteem, to enhance our public image, to feel important, to be productive, and to be worthy of respect.

We are continually working on these goals, since they never seem to become actualized. When we achieve our target satisfactions, we naturally want to reach even higher. But, we never can really enjoy each new threshold, and are often left wondering, “Where did all our time go?” Each new season passes quicker than the last, and yet we feel as if we haven’t really done anything meaningful, since our busyness has resulted in less time for leisure, less time for self-reflection, and less time to "just be." These issues create anxiety since we know the truth behind being busy: busyness is self-afflicted.

Technology makes it very easy to afflict busyness upon ourselves.

Most everyone seems to possess a wearable “smart” device. Brian Krzanich, CEO of Intel, reemphasized our strong, personal desire to connect with robots and wearables: "Computing is everywhere in our lives today…That's what we want, talking to devices.” Wearables are undoubtedly useful in fields like health care, where they can send important feedback to doctors, thus improving the quality of our lives.

However, in the personal realm, constant communication via our mobile devices can negatively affect our quality of life. We often overuse our devices, and become accustomed to mindless multitasking. We compose emails while talking to our mothers on the phone, we shop online while marching up the stair-master, and we post to social media while out to dinner with our significant others.

Our devices may make it easier to satisfy our various needs during leisure time, however, the overuse of our devices may reduce the time that we are actually at rest, available, and free.

As our culture becomes increasingly linked to the virtual world, it is more important than ever to be available to ourselves so that we can affirm our place in the real world.

In order to be available for ourselves, we can do 3 simple things:

1. Construct definitive boundaries between ourselves and technology. One simple solution might be to create physical distance between ourselves and our phones, such as leaving them in another room while we eat dinner.

2. Another idea would be to turn off notifications to minimize interruptions.

3. In addition, we could monitor the efficiency of our phone usage, limit our unintentional phone use, or set "no phone time" by putting them away after 8pm.

Once we construct boundaries, we might discover that our schedules are a bit more liberated, that our attentions are a bit less occupied, and that we are a bit more free.

Click here for source content, "The Disease of Being Busy" by Omid Safi, 2014.