change — Blog — everthrive

Last weekend, I enjoyed a long lunch in the city with my fiancé and our friend Jon. Afterwards, we needed to get to Lincoln Park, and had been planning on taking the CTA. But, when it came time to depart, we made the impromptu decision to walk. It was a gorgeous late spring day in Chicago - perfect for a four mile stroll.

This may not be the best example, but it is an example nonetheless. We chose to walk, breaking our pattern. We changed our plan. We simply traveled north, barely consulting our GPS. We decided to meander through the zoo - it's free! why not? - and, to my elation, we happened upon an amazing art piece near Lincoln Park Zoo's South Pond. I had seen photos of this arch in my Instagram feed, and often wondered where it was, reaching its curvaceous wooden beams towards the sky.

As the arch meets the sky, a pattern is broken, and an appreciation for art and nature takes over. Instead of thinking about the negative impact that civilization has on the world, we think of the positive. Our impulsive decision to forgo public transportation was validated. This arch offered us a zen retreat in the midst of car horns and bustling commuters. Surrounded by a natural prairie landscape, this place provided an entrance to a new world of calm and peace.

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” - Tuli Kupferberg

When I approach the annual season of giving, I become anxious. So much shopping to do! So little time! What will I give? How much to spend? How shall I wrap the items? When am I going to do all of this? I get caught up with the stress of hurried acquisition, so much so that the items become chores, empty boxes to check off, instead of heartfelt manifestations of appreciation for my loved ones.

Showing love for one another shouldn’t be a stressful chore

Moreover, as I get older, I no longer have an answer for those who seek to know What do I want for Christmas? For several years, I’ve wanted the same thing. Nothing. Or, um, I guess some socks. Or, mid-day walks for my dog. Practical gifts like gas money, new tires, a food dehydrator, a flour mill. Useful gifts that keep on giving. However, Christmas gifts are not usually practical. For me, and I’m guessing for others, the joy of receiving gifts “for giving’s sake” is fleeting. Gifts always change back into pumpkins after midnight, reverting to ordinary objects, stuff of fiber and plastic , devoid of their previous glossed-on significance. With all details considered, the entire experience of giving — the purchasing, the giving, the gratitude — is cherished, not the gift itself.

Each year, I vow more and more strongly to break away from cycle of giving, for its effects are short-lived.

We should be giving each other long-lasting love, time, and experiences, rather than objects that are only momentarily important. This is hard to do for some, since love, time, and experience are not items that can be qualified, quantified, or purchased.

There is no evidence — real, “you can touch it” evidence — for love, time, and experience. We, materialistic by nature, need evidence of these concepts. Powerful experiences can result from from time spent with loved ones, and these experiences can be lived again and again in our memories. Memories linger in a different, more lasting way than objects can. In this way, new experiences and rituals can fortify relationships and make us feel connected, and alive.

Instead of engaging in intricate gift-giving ceremonies at Christmastime, we might think about creating new rituals that would bring about the same positive effects as gift-giving. Laughing. Eyes smiling. Emotional gains all around. Boosting of happiness. Elevation of collective mood.

I think we need to bring the focus back to relationships, not stuff, for the future can’t be created in the collecting of possessions.

Our futures are created in the nourishment of each other.