Learn from Loneliness
Do you like to be alone? Oftentimes, I do.
When I’m alone, I’m at ease. In my solitude, I’m free to be my authentic self. And, even though I could just be comfortably hanging out in my living room, I feel like I’m away from the constraints of society.
When we are comfortable and happy in our alone-ness, we can use the situation to reflect on life and use it as an opportunity to experience growth. However, many people aren’t happy being alone. Instead of feeling alone, they feel lonely.
Loneliness is something very different than being alone.
When we are lonely, we are not reflecting on our lives with growth and mindfulness. We are not at ease with ourselves, and we are not free.
Loneliness, when allowed to take hold and fester, can cause anxiety and depression, as well as an array of physical ailments leading to poor health and a shorter life expectancy. Instead of encountering truths and experiencing growth, loneliness gives way "to the perverse, the illicit, the absurd" (Thomans Mann, Death in Venice and Other Tales).
Loneliness does not imply alone-ness. We can be lonely even when we are surrounded by people.
Loneliness is an emotion that can be experienced suddenly, or over time. The abrupt loss of a loved one, a job, or a marriage can initiate sudden feelings of isolation and hopelessness. Gradual loneliness is caused by our tendency to self-isolate because our expectations of others may be too high, or we might not be able to withstand the social stress of communicating with others.
If, after a period of self isolation, we do initiate contact or have the occasion to, we sometimes end up scrutinizing others' behaviors towards us. We think that their benevolent interactions are fake or forced. This produces anger and fear, causing us withdraw into our loneliness even more. In this way, loneliness has the potential to alter our perception. It is very difficult to climb out of a pit of despair, where we are emotionally raw and feel that we do not deserve the contact of others.
In our loneliness, we begin to see the world as a negative place.
According to Thomas Wolfe in his essay entitled "God's Lonely Man," loneliness is a "central and inevitable fact of human existence." When experienced, this emotion can be devastating; however, loneliness should be explored and understood before it is banished, because it can inform us of behavior patterns that we need to change.
Loneliness forces us to make decisions about our lives.
It is important to be aware of our emotional well-being, and acknowledge when we are feeling lonely. In order to stop our decent into the abyss of loneliness, we have to understand that change needs to occur.
Loneliness should be explored and understood
We owe it to ourselves to take action when we feel cast aside or unnecessarily isolated, even when we are surrounded by people. We should push ourselves and reach out to those who care for us. We need to reinsert ourselves into the work of friendship, where our social needs will be satisfied, and pangs of loneliness will subside.