Today is Your Birthday!

Today is your birthday! A day for just you. Return to bed, binge on Netflix, or scroll through your phone for an hour or two!

Today is your birthday. “Me, myself, and I!” Shout it from the rooftops, really, don’t be shy!

Today is your birthday. You can eat whatever you want! Bake up some donuts and post pics on Instagram. It’s all about the flaunt.

Today is your birthday. The mantra: “It’s all about me!” Thank goodness for Amazon Prime, the mall, and Anthropologie!

Today is your birthday. Friends better to post on your wall. Better yet, why not share a selfie; humblebrag to remind them all?

Today is your birthday. Gonna treat yo’self all day. So many presents, too many even for Santa’s sleigh!

Today is your birthday. Start celebrating at once! But wait, why do you just get one day? Can’t it be your week, or your month?

Yes, our culture dictates that it’s our birthday all the time. And really, constant birthdays aren’t supreme or sublime.

Having cake every day makes it less special, making cake meaningless, as they say.

Our “Self-Care” / “Treat Yo’Self” generation reinforces privilege and demoralization, throwing self-control out the door.

“Self-Care” should be a time for moderation, contemplation, and gratitude. That’s what it’s for!

So if every day is “Birthday!”, we should take more time to care. For ourselves and our loved ones. Be moderate and self-aware.

And if today is really your birthday, you can of course have cake, and be sure to share!

But if every day is a birthday, why not turn inward, and take a look at what’s really there?

Write for Everthrive

Do you have an interesting story to share with Everthrive's community? Are you an advocate of simple living, finding clarity in nature, and digital minimalism? If so, we want to hear from you! Here’s how you can get involved:

Write 300-1500 words drawing from a personal experience. You may use one of the topics above, or use any of the following: 

• self-improvement through communion with nature

• digital awareness

• digital detoxing

• digital literacy

• mindfulness and self-improvement

• self-help and improving mental/physical health by living simply and mindfully 

Articles must be:

Researched, candid, and relevant. If using secondary sources, please provide links to the sources used. 

Here is a good example: Creation Over Consumption  

Unfortunately, Everthrive cannot offer monetary compensation for articles submitted at this time. However, we always credit writers and can add links to personal websites. 

We are looking forward to hearing from you!

Email your submission (.doc, .docx, .pages, or .txt format please) to  ali@themediaacorn.com

Jessica Lynn Williams on Thriving

Have you heard of The Mind Palace? It's a podcast that discusses what it means to live an intentional life. The show is produced by two minimalism advocates, Jessica Lynn Williams and Melissa Cain. The two women live across the globe from one another - Jessica lives in Chicago and Melissa lives in the United Kingdom - but they've conquered the distance and the time difference. At least three times a month, they meet in the digital realm to record podcasts where they candidly explore what it means to live minimally and mindfully.

Jess is also the social media manager for The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. She tours with them around the world, live-tweeting and blogging from the road. She is also project manager for Minimalist.org and curator of Minimal Maxims. Heavily entrenched in the worlds of mindfulness and minimalism, she would be a great person for me reach out to.

Happily, after some emailing back and forth, I was able to connect with Jess on the topic of intentional living. We shared thoughts on how to rise above the daily grind and make the most of our minds, bodies, and souls. When I asked her, in true Everthrive fashion, "What is your favorite way to thrive?", I expected her response might concern minimalism and its main thesis of moderation, but she surprised and delighted me by going more into the heart of the matter. According to Jess, when you live out your priorities, it is easy to thrive.

Jessica Lynn Williams on Thriving

My favorite way to thrive is to live out my priorities. A while ago, I read a quote by Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists about priorities. It read, “Your priorities are what you do each day.”

That was a really sobering thought. Our time is our greatest and most precious currency, and without spending that currency intentionally, we’re setting ourselves up to live a life out of alignment. So, I regularly ask myself, “Is this my priority?"

What I love about this question, is that it’s an honest way to look at the way you’re spending your life. After asking this question, I generally feel a sense of contentment so long as I’ve made good decisions that day. If I don’t feel that contentment, this is a signal to me that I need to course correct. It’s important to note that my answer isn’t always hinging on my desire to be productive. I’m reminded by a quote by the lovely Mary Oliver:

"Presence is far more intricate and rewarding an art than productivity"

If I ask myself this question while I’m getting the bath started—so long as it’s the right time—I can answer with a resounding yes, because I am taking this time to dedicate to relaxing and de-stressing, a very worthy priority. If I ask myself this question right now, I can also answer with an honest to goodness yes. I’m taking the opportunity to connect with someone who is part of my proverbial tribe (Melissa loves tribes—so Melissa that one’s for you) and start a conversation about what it means to thrive in life. If I’m out grocery shopping—I can ask myself this question, and generally I’m thinking, yes. So long as I got a good lookin’ cart filled with real, healthy foods, I can say that my priorities are in line. 

One of my favorite aspects of this practice, is that it’s a fantastic antidote to anxiety. I am prone to being anxious, and one of the best ways I’ve heard of anxiety described is the feeling that you have to do everything all at once. By taking a moment to see my priorities clearly, I can give myself permission to fully immerse myself in whatever I’m doing, without getting distracted by other obligations. It gives me the opportunity to value presence. 

If I ask myself this question and the answer is ‘no,' then, I think about what I can do alternatively to spend my time better. It encourages me to consider how I would like to feel, and what I can do to feel that way. If I find myself mindlessly scrolling through the holy trinity of social media (Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram) and I know that’s not a priority, I’ll instead consider how I’d like to feel and what I can do to make a good shift in my emotions. This isn’t only about feelings, and this isn’t only about a productivity hack—but it’s about living in accordance with your values, and questioning them regularly. It’s a wonderful way to get in touch with your own intuition and desires for your own life.

Be DAREful

The following is a guest post by Jen Whalen of True North Adventures, an organization designed to help women get back into alignment with their authentic selves through intentional outdoor experiences. In April of 2018, TNA will take a group of DAREful women to Costa Rica for a week-long surf, yoga, and self-care immersion.

Read more about Be DAREful Costa Rica at seektruenorth.com/be-dareful-costa-rica.

"How to be DAREful" by Jen Whalen 

As I lowered down off of a recent gym climb, I smiled, feeling that familiar surge of energy… pumped forearms, rapid heartbeat.  As my swollen, chalky fingers fumbled with untying my knot, I said to my belayer, “Good thing I mock-led that one as I was falling all over the place!” She laughed in disbelief and said, “You didn’t fall once! Are you serious?!?”

I was serious. I barely believed I could climb that challenging route when I grabbed the first hold 10 minutes earlier.  Kilian and I were just “monkeying around” with the possibilities on the far edge of my climbing ability as we waited for our climbing instructor to finish up with another pair, so I went for it.  From my perspective, I thought I hacked my way up it and fell off several times along the way. However, my belayer, who was intentionally observing for feedback regarding clipping and body positioning, witnessed me sticking the whole thing.  I let myself really go for it on a climb I would usually have walked right past, and despite my efforts to sabotage it by not owning the achievement, I actually did it!!!  I thought I had a good sense of my learning edge, (what was possible and what was beyond my reach) but as I’m noticing  in other areas of life as well, perhaps that isn’t always accurate…

As I sat down to write about the experience afterward,  two strong questions came through, “What would my life look like if I let myself really fucking go for it as I did on that last climb?  AND What would it look like if I surrounded myself with a loving community that held me accountable for living in this way?” I noted areas where I was willing to take more risks and would likely see “bigger” results (as was the case with the climbing route that evening). However, the other areas on the list involved “big” inner risks like trusting my wise Inner Knowing and following her lead instead of hiding out in what is comfortable, saying NO more often, and prioritizing more time/space for excellent self-care, etc.

We have hundreds of choices throughout our day in which we can be DAREful and live in alignment with our heart.  It’s not always the big, impressive feats of obvious boldness and badassery that matter most… it’s also all the little ways we’re taking the time to show up for ourselves and live in alignment with our souls. Life definitely looks differently when I really let myself go for it.  My YESes are clear and feel like empowered choices where I’ve intentionally engaged with the adventure of my life.  And the Sacred NOs feel equally as clear.  I’m not backpedaling on what I need or want when other people’s priorities scream louder.  Instead, I’m listening deeply to the wisdom of my body and Soul and honoring that Inner Knowing instead of constantly calibrating my life by the expectations, shoulds and unsolicited, often fear-based advice of others.  

In April, we’re taking these same experiential practices of DAREful living from the mountains to the beach with our week-long surf/yoga/Self care immersion in beautiful Bahia Ballena, Costa Rica.  If you’re curious to learn more about this amazing adventure, click here. (link: http://seektruenorth.com/be-dareful-costa-rica/)   What would being DAREful look like in your life? Whether its joining us in Costa Rica or saying YES to another beautiful adventure, it’s my deepest hope you’ll experiment with making tiny changes that support you in living more DAREfully today.  This is where the magic is at, and I would be honored to join you in the rising tide of women holding each other accountable for “going for it” in this way.  

Curious to learn more? Set up an exploration call with Jen at JEN@SEEKTRUENORTH.COM

Finding Freedom and Fulfillment by Conquering Debt

Every now and then I have the good fortune of being able to feature the works of like-minded bloggers. Today, I'm featuring a story about finding freedom by conquering debt and its accompanying anxiety. This article is written by none other than Claire Wilde of Want Less. 

Personal debt can be incredibly devastating, as it can lead to both emotional and physical damage. The average for households that carry debt in the United States and in the United Kingdom is about $16,372. Read on to see how Claire found personal fulfillment by acknowledging her anxiety, conquering her debt, and discovering financial freedom.

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About Claire:

Claire Wilde of Want Less and Simplicity Voices.

Claire Wilde is the author of Want Less, a blog centered on minimalism, "escaping the rat-race, logging off from the screens and resisting the pull of 21st century consumerism." She loves sharing tips on how to live the best life possible. Claire is also an avid reader of fellow blogger's materials, and compiles her favorites at Simplicity Voices, a space for articles on minimalism, simplifying, slow living, well-being, and discovering financial freedom. 

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How Panic Attacks and a Mountain of Debt Led Me to Simplify my Life, and How You Can Too

by Claire Wilde

Mine was just an average life, but it was a life in crisis.

I had the nice house, the fancy car I couldn't afford, the big TV, and the games console.

I had the overworked middle-management job and the busy social life to unwind on the weekends - with plenty of drinks and meals out, of course.

I had the multiple holidays abroad each year, packed with activities each day so I really got the most out of every trip.

But I also had a secret mountain of debt at a time when my job security was looking rockier and rockier.

The stress and worry of my overcommitted life came to a head one sleepless night, when my first panic attack set in. I had no idea what it was, which made it all the more frightening. I thought my heart was going to stop.

This is the closest I came to a "light bulb" moment, when I knew something needed to change; although, in reality this wake-up call has been a years-long process that in some respects I am still going through now.

First, I changed jobs and left my brief career in management behind.

My next big change came on honeymoon. My wife had brought along a book on minimalism, and when I read it I knew that my possessions were adding to my constant state of overwhelm and worry.

I've always been both a sentimental and a messy person, which means I tend to keep hold of as many possessions as possible, then leave them in a constant state of disarray.

When we got back home, I slowly got rid of about a third of my belongings. It felt great.

I then cut back massively on my spending, and paid off every penny of my debts. It was long, and hard, and boring, and totally worth it.

Now I'm looking at other ways I can simplify my life and more importantly inject more fun, laughter and spontaneity into it.

If anything in my story resonates with you, here are some steps you might take to simplify your life too:

1. Try to step away from anything that's making you truly miserable

That might be a stressful job, a bad relationship, a heap of debt or another millstone around your neck. Sometimes, such things can seem completely inescapable so find someone to confide in if you need extra support. You are never alone and situations are never helpless.

2. Make peace with your limitations

Have you ever felt that no matter how hard you work at things, it's never enough? If so, you're not alone. 'Productivity' can be a dangerous concept when it makes people feel like they have to be working at peak performance every minute of the day. That's just a fast-track to burnout. So make sure you build unstructured time into your day and don't scold yourself if you catch yourself daydreaming. It's natural, healthy and downright fun to waste time.

3. Cut your commitments to find more time for yourself

As I've already mentioned, I'm a big believer in kicking back and doing nothing at all, but chances are you might not have much time for such a luxury. Well, one way to make time is by starting to say no to things you might otherwise feel obliged to say yes to. Ditch that book you're not enjoying. Politely decline that event you don't want to go to. Build pauses into your day and then guard them fiercely.

4. Pare down your possessions

I'll be frank here: in my view, you don't have to get rid of the majority of your belongings to feel the benefits. I'm not sure I'll ever be a hardcore minimalist. But just saying goodbye to the items which felt like they were dragging me down really did lift my mood on a daily basis.

5. Stop comparing yourself to others

Have you ever been to visit a friend, only to be consumed by envy at their swanky property, tasteful furnishings or high-tech gadgets? I won't lie, it's hard to banish jealousy from your head, but next time you feel that way, just notice it and ask yourself why you feel that way.

6. Cut down on your social media use

This is another huge one if you want to stop feeling jealous when you look at your friends' lives. Notice how you feel after you've been in social media, and if it is making you feel low, find ways to cut back.

7. Get out more

Yup, out in the open air. If left to my own devices, I'll happily sit on my laptop all day so I sometimes have to force myself to go for a walk – and always feel better for it.

8. Find your happy

Try to notice those days when you feel really uplifted. What has made you feel that way? For me, it's when I'm around really close family or friends, when I'm lost in a hobby, when I'm being active, when I'm exploring somewhere or something new or when I'm being spontaneous. But I'm spectacularly bad at actually making sure I do all these things on a regular basis. In life, there will always be drudgery, but make sure you know what your antidotes are.

Restival = Retreat + Festival

"Restival - the exclusive love child of a retreat and a festival - is held in a secret space for up to 90 people amidst the beauty of nature in the land of the Navajo" 

““Restival takes wild wellness to another level with an an exclusive annual desert gathering in Arizona where eco-luxe means going off grid deep in nature on sacred Navajo land doing yoga, meditation, sweat lodges, art, music and astronomy. Plus there’s a spa. Accommodation is luxurious individual tipis with hot showers. For an intellectually and spiritually nourishing escape.””

— Wall Street Journal, February 2017

I heard of Restival just last year. The festival/retreat hybridization appealed to me, and its founding mission spoke to me. Its secrecy piqued my interest; its focus on physical and spiritual well-being intrigued me. Naturally, I wanted to learn more, so I contacted Restival's founder, Caroline Jones, to learn more about Restival's mission. 

Restival is an immersive experience that takes place outside of Flagstaff, Arizona (secret spot!). Its mission is two-fold: to present an antidote to modern living and the fast-paced world we live in; to help indigenous wisdom stay alive through education.

I learned that Restival is a forum for non-native and native people to come together to peace, harmony, and with the desire to reconnect with themselves and nature. The Navajo are invited to stay in camp, and guests shouldn't be surprised if they learn about the Four Sacred Directions over breakfast. By the end of the weekend, guests will also have the option of learning Navajo Peacemaking, Horsemanship, Art, Storytelling, Astronomy, as well as many greetings and words from the Navajo language. In addition to immersive cultural activities, attendees can enjoy daily yoga, spa, and wellness experiences while staying in luxury accommodations to rejuvenate the spirit, disconnect from distraction, and to connect to themselves. 

The Basics: 

• Restival takes place over two sessions: September 14-19 and September 21-26
• Choose from several Eco Luxe accommodations - all modeled after traditional Navajo tipis  
• Each ticket is all inclusive and priced per person; tickets range from $1,800-$2,950
• Three nutritionally balanced meals/day; snacks, coffee, juices, water 24/7
• Yoga and meditation are included in the price, and there are several other add-ons to choose from, such as acupuncture, Navajo healing, craniosacral and shiatsu therapy, thai mssage, reiki healing, clairvoyant readings, reflexology, life coaching, transformational Navajo sweat lodges, and flotation tank experiences. 

If you're interested in Restival, please visit www.restivalglobal.com. And, if you book tickets, please enter the code EVERTHRIVE at check out for a discount! The first 10 to book will receive 20% off their ticket price.  

Experiences such as Restival can help us take a break from living in the moment. Choosing to attend Restival is just one of the ways we can consciously decide to "Take the Slow Way."

“In our hectic lives, we seem to move very quickly. We are constantly bombarded with information, tasks, and noise. If you’re like me, most days I strive to get as much done as possible. Before I realize it, mornings turn into evenings; my alarm clock seems to wake me up right after my head hits the pillow. And, during the night, I often experience anxiety dreams where I have to reach some kind of goal and I simply cannot accomplish it.

All these are results of pursuing what I like to call a “carpe diem” sort of life, where I try to accomplish so many things by “living in the moment,” a mantra for many. However, “seizing the day,” or rather, “capturing the day,” only helps us to conquer, subdue, and even kill our days instead of actually living them. Living in the moment offers nothing to alleviate stress, over-stimulation, and noise from our lives.

Sometimes it’s necessary to take a break from living in the moment. Sometimes it’s necessary to “take the slow way.””

— "Take the Slow Way" on Everthrive

Everthrive stands behind Restival's goal in connecting guests with themselves, nature, and traditional ways of life. 

Living a Life Less Ordinary Through Simplicity

I've had the exciting opportunity to be featured on Janet Luhrs' Simple Living with my article "Living a life Less Ordinary." In it, I show how simple living doesn't have to involve resignation to a boring, mediocre life. On the contrary, choosing a simple life can lead to extraordinary results!

Click this link to see how choosing a simple life can be anything but ordinary. 

The Importance of Disconnecting to Reconnect

Written with a very special thanks to Netherthong Primary's Year Six students and their teacher Martin Clayton

The average person spends 10 hours online each day and sleeps less than seven hours each night. Worldwide, two-billion people own smartphones. Over a third of households subscribe to video-streaming services like Hulu, Netflix, or HBO Go. 

Just as drive-throughs satisfy our busy, automobile-driving lives, personal devices satisfy our busy, information-hungry desires.

In this modern era, we no longer need to wait to find the answers we crave or the social connections we desire. We no longer need to venture to the library to seek information or to Blockbuster Video for entertainment. We no longer have to wait days or weeks or months for our favorite shows and movies to air on TV. We can have it all right now without needing to leave our homes. Our devices are convenient outlets for explorations of all kinds. Boundless exploration is at our fingertips.

We have the option to be connected in at any time. But, is it really necessary? 

I have observed media habits for seven years as an educator. My students use iPads to access textbooks, notetaking applications, and external resources. iPads are an unfortunate requirement of the modern education system, since they capable of receiving notifications at any time from Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and various sports applications. Students seem to be dstracted at all times of day, not just during class. I see kids in the hallways, so mesmerized by their glowing screens that they ignore their friends and fail to look where they are walking. One particular student of mine regularly boasts about his uncanny ability to function normally at school despite his proclivity to binge-watch Netflix shows all night long!

What is lost when we are plugged in?

Spending more than 70 hours a week online doesn’t leave much time for anything else. It doesn’t leave any time to develop and pursue hobbies, spend time with loved ones, travel, or complete necessary household tasks. We barely have any time left to learn, to create, and to live our lives. We are neglecting our personal relationships, our chores, and even our safety by choosing to spend more time in a digital world. There is an increased risk of illness and obesity associated with the sedentary nature of technology use. When we spend too much time online, whether it is due to using the internet, email, social media, or texting, we can become sleep deprived and disconnected with reality, leading to numerous psychological ramifications. In addition, if our wireless connection is suddenly disrupted, we end up feeling anxious, helpless, lost, and alone.

To combat the rising dependence on technology, more and more people are gravitating towards something called a “digital detox.”

What is a digital detox?

A digital detox is a period of time when a technology user abstains from devices like smartphones, computers, wearables, or tablets in order to reconnect and ground themselves more fully to the physical world.

What’s the point of a digital detox?

Digital detoxes are geared towards breaking technology habits and rekindling relationships with the real world. This can be done through disconnection with the virtual world, since studies have shown that disconnecting from devices can reduce stress and increase productivity. Once disconnected, we can experience a more focused connection with ourselves and others. Digital detox practices are meant to increase our feelings of self-other awareness, to revive feelings of empathy for our fellow humans, and to restore balance to our lives.

Who is doing a Digital Detox?

Organizations such as Camp Grounded and Digital Detox make it easy for companies to organize tech-free retreats to give employees breaks from screen time. Virgin Airlines integrates digital detoxifying techniques into their workdays by having employees turn off their devices between 10 a.m. and noon on Wednesdays. During this time of disconnection, employees engage in group brainstorming sessions while taking walks in nature. Virgin hopes these “Disconnection Wednesdays” will help foster feelings of work-life balance.

Digital Detox and Education

Even educational institutions like high schools and grade schools are including digital detoxes into their curriculum. The rationale for digital detoxes in schools is to help students use technology more responsibly since it is an inevitable part of the future. And, kids are the future!

I’ve often wondered what a tech-free week would do for the youth. What would it be like to force kids to leave technology alone for a week? Would students’ technology habits change once they completed the detox?

I had the recent privilege of connecting with the Netherthong Primary School in Holmfirth, England, where Year Six (apprx. 5th grade) students have just completed a week-long digital detox. These kids have never known a world without constant connection. After reaching out and chatting with Martin Clayton, a teacher of Netherthong Primary who recently led his students through a digital detox, I was able to gather some data about their experience.

Netherthong Primary School and the Digital Detox

“It’s good to take a break from digital things.” - Jake, student at Netherthong Primary (scroll down to view quotes from other students!)

Prior to the week-long digital detox, most of the children had heard about the practice, and they were confident they could abstain from technology, even though they claimed it was necessary to use certain tech items daily, such as computers, laptops, smartboards, video game systems, iPads, iPods, mobile phones, smart phones, and televisions. Most reported using some form of technology for at least two hours a day, and some students reported that they needed to use technology for up to 35 hours a week!

According to 10-year-olds...

How can personal technology be beneficial?

Most claimed that technology is fun, since it offers an interactive route of communication through social media, text, and email. One student reported that it is easier to call someone rather than talk in person. Others understand that the digital world is a good route to quick information, and one responded very astutely that going online is a practical aspect of working a job. They all reported that smartphones can help in an emergency.

How can personal technology be harmful?

I was surprised at how much they knew about this subject. In terms of the harmful effects of technology, these kids knew that technology can be easily abused. One student reported that personal devices gives users "too much freedom from responsibility;" others said that technology "makes it easy to send hurtful emails and texts," and that technological freedom often empowers cyberbullies. They were wary of “internet trolls” and the ease by which people can stalk others online. One student claimed that if used too much, technology can be addictive; in addition, staring at devices all day not only takes time away from the family, it can also damage the eyesight and the brain.

After completing the tech-free week, how did these kids feel about the digital detox?

In reflecting on the detox, the majority really liked it. One insisted that it was a “great experience!” Most felt that, while disconnecting was difficult, the digital detox was interesting and worthwhile. One “found it interesting to talk to people in real life.” In general, the break from technology forced them to be more social - it helped them to do things they normally wouldn’t do, like “go exploring,” "spend more time with family and friends," “read more books,” and “play board games.” A few kids even admitted they were more respectful to their parents while abstaining from technology.

Of course, most thought the detox was very difficult, but they understood that the trial was worth it. One student wrote that the digital detox “was hard but [she] enjoyed it and it made [her] less grumpy.” Many felt that it was hard to avoid the TV. One reported being really bored: there was “nothing to do all week!” Another “didn’t like that [he] couldn’t FaceTime [his] friends.” In general, while most parents joined their children in the detox, it was difficult for the students whose families didn’t support the detox. Only a few of the students would have liked to continue the cleanse for more than a week, but most found that a week was just right to understand the importance of disconnecting.

When I sent them the survey, they were off the cleanse for around three weeks, so I thought perhaps they had gone back to their original habits. However, to my surprise, they still felt the benefits of the digital detox.

How was the digital detox beneficial?

After the detox, students reported increased concentration levels and test scores. They felt more organized, and continued to spend more time with families instead of succumb to the draw of their devices. One reported feeling “more peaceful and more awake at school.” They continued to go outside more, and talk to people instead relying mainly on text. Most reported getting better quality sleep since they weren’t looking at their phones before bedtime. They all said they felt differently about using technology after the cleanse, and are determined to use technology more mindfully.

Even though my study of the effects of disconnecting was long-distance and not a scientific study completed by a reputable research organization, I think that the results can still be highly relevant and applicable to our lives. Believe it or not, the world will never be as analog as it is now, as technological advances are exponentially growing. The children at Netherthong Primary will agree, it's important to use technology meaningfully and intentionally, and not in ways that hurt ourselves or others. 

Hey Netherthong Primary! What would you like to tell Everthrive's readers about disconnecting from technology?

 “Cutting down on electrical items can be good for you.” - Toby

“It really helps you with tests and friendship.” - Emma J.

“Everyone should try it and see what a beautiful world we live in.” Emma F.

“[Technology] can be helpful, but addictive.” - Jessica

“You must try it, it will be super good if you did!” - Thomas

“It's a fun way of getting more involved with the past.” - Skye

“We are very lucky to have digital products so do not waste them.” - Lucas

“It’s hard but if you're determined I'll guarantee you that you will get through it and have a great experience.” – Will

“It’s hard but worth it.” - Oliver

“There are more things to do than using technology and although you might think [a digital detox] would be boring, it’s actually very interesting.” - Annie

“Don’t watch screens as much.” – Daisy

“It’s a good thing to do because you see things differently and seem more concentrated and involved in your family.” – Taylor

“You talk to a lot more people you normally don’t talk to.” – Owain

“It is very useful.” – Zara

“Try it because it can be fun and you will find out that you can sleep a bit more.” – Izzy

“It’s easy if everyone around you participates.” – Paddy

“It feels boring and fun at the same time.” – Anton

“You can learn new things about other people.” -James

“Do it because it’s worth it.” – Ethan

“I think we all should try it and it is actually a great experience.” – Geena

“Cutting down on electrical items can be good for you.” – Toby

“It helps your communication.” – Luc

“It’s very fun and interesting!” – Harry

“It helps your brain relax more when you don’t play on video games and things.” -Scarlett

“[Taking a digital detox] is better for you and you are involved more with everything.” - Jay

“Try the digital detox because you spend more time with your family.” – Isla

Take the Slow Way

In our hectic lives, we seem to move very quickly. We are constantly bombarded with information, tasks, and noise. If you're like me, most days I strive to get as much done as possible. Before I realize it, mornings turn into evenings; my alarm clock seems to wake me up right after my head hits the pillow. And, during the night, I often experience anxiety dreams where I have to reach some kind of goal and I simply cannot accomplish it.

All these are results of pursuing what I like to call a "carpe diem" sort of life, where I try to accomplish so many things by "living in the moment," a mantra for many. However, "seizing the day," or rather, "capturing the day," only helps us to conquer, subdue, and even kill our days instead of actually living them. Living in the moment offers nothing to alleviate stress, over-stimulation, and noise from our lives.

Sometimes it's necessary to take a break from living in the moment. Sometimes it's necessary to "take the slow way." 

Three years ago, my husband took me on a date to an event called Tour de Fat, New Belgium Brewery's annual traveling festival that showcases zany entertainment, game show parodies, an interactive fashion showdown, and a car-for-bike swap. What makes this festival different from other street festivals is not only its eclectic nature, but also the fact that at its core lies the the idea of "taking the slow way." This concept is highlighted by New Belgium's iconic logo: a simple beach cruiser bicycle. 

A bike is a varied thing: there are so many types of bicycles! New Belgium's emblematic choice of a beach cruiser (instead of a road bike, mountain bike, city bike, recumbent bike, etc.) epitomizes the idea of "taking it slow," which is one of New Belgium's core values. The cruiser bike insignia is a call for beer lovers to choose quality over quantity, and supports the idea of drinking craft beer slowly in order to appreciate the taste and savor the experience. In this way, New Belgium supports the idea of living a simple life, at a slower pace. 

I loved how New Belgium takes the concept of slowing down and connects it to something as simple and familiar as enjoying a beer. This connection makes it easy to visualize and apply "taking the slow way" to choices we make in our daily lives. Huge improvements can be made to our mental and physical well-being if we just slow down. By slowing down, we allow ourselves time to think about how we are living life. Slowing down gives us space to evaluate our choices and make new goals. And, as a happy consequence, slowing down will help us make our fleeting time on earth as meaningful as possible.  

Here are six small changes we can make to "take the slow way," and to reconnect with ourselves and our surroundings:

Walk or ride a bike to work instead of taking a car. This seems like a fairly common idea, but I had to include it. Biking disconnects us from the quick "A to B" commute, and instead connects us to our surroundings, the environment, and our mental and physical health. Even choosing public transportation over driving to work can be beneficial as it takes us out of our protective bubbles and challenges us with the experience of self-orientation and punctuality. Public transit also gives us the opportunity to see ourselves as social creatures, and part of a bigger system. If biking or public transport are out-of-the-question, try to fit in a walk or a bike-ride on the weekend. It will give you a valuable change of pace and allow your mind a break from the responsibilities of life.

Travel differently. Instead of visiting three new cities in five days, choose to visit only one city. This way, you can gradually immerse yourself into the culture, and experience the nuances of daily life. This idea of a lengthened cultural immersion has been dubbed "slow travel"; the method suggests we linger in one place to really get the feel for it, and "take the time to learn the rhythms of local life" without rushing from one tourist destination to the next (Shakwell). You can even spend time doing nothing to allow for restful contemplation of the travel experience. Slow travel allows us to foster a stronger connection to the place we're visiting, and allows us a nice break from our fast-paced daily life.

Cook from scratch. Instead of dining out, grabbing take-out, or reheating something from the freezer or from a can, try creating something original for dinner. Not only will the meal be healthier and free from preservatives and excess amounts of sodium, but it will also leave you more satisfied since it meal was a product of your own efforts. Allowing yourself to accept the challenge of cooking something from scratch will help you grow as a chef, will give you power over your meal choices, and will hone your ability to live life at a slower pace.

Grant yourself permission to breathe consciously. Taking one deep breath helps us to pause, reflect, and refocus our perceptions, and inevitable helps us to slow down. Conscious breathing can help us approach and conquer things like anxiety and stress. Henrick Edburg, in his article "The Power of Breathing," suggests taking two minutes away from stressful situations to slow down and focus on breath. I've found that two minutes is more than enough to find space when our hectic worlds expand and devour us.

Allow for silence. Give yourself some quiet time to think and to rest. Our daily lives are very full of noise, most of which we are unaware. When we make time for silence, we are helping our nervous systems restore themselves. Silence assists in sustaining energy to complete mental and physical tasks, and silence "conditions our minds to be more adaptive and responsive to the complex environments in which so many of us now live, work, and lead" (Talbot-Zorn and Marz.) Silence promotes mindfulness and reflection, both of which have been linked to positive mental health changes and increased quality of life. 

Disconnect from our devices. Today, time spent in the digital world seems to be a necessity, but oftentimes we confuse necessary digital time with needless distracted time. You might check out a few posts of mine, "Be Free" or "Put Down Your Phone and Live Your Life" where I emphasize the importance of constructing definitive boundaries between ourselves and technology. Setting boundaries helps us reconnect with experiences and people in the real world. Leave your phone at home, in your car, or be content that it is resting quietly in your pocket or purse. Turn on Airplane mode to reduce distractions. There are even applications you can download that can track your cell phone use.  

At the core of "taking the slow way" is the important task of reflection. Giving ourselves time to rest and think gives us the power to see the world differently, and to commit to making the change towards living intentional and meaningful lives. Similar to enjoying a quality beer, we should drink life slowly to appreciate the taste and savor the experience.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, over-tasked, and overstimulated, break away from the call to live each day to its fullest. Give yourself permission to Take the Slow Way. 

Bring Back Boredom on Break the Twitch

Hello to readers of Everthrive! 

Recently, I was offered the opportunity to write and record guest content for Anthony Ongaro of Break the Twitch, a website that focuses on minimalism, habits, and creativity. My article "Why We Should Bring Back Boredom" discusses what boredom is, why we think boredom is something to avoid, and what we can learn from boredom. It concludes with ways we can use boredom to our advantage. The goal of my post is to show that boredom is actually a good thing, and not a thing to escape from. 

This was my very first guest post, and my very first recorded Skype call!

You can read "Why We Should Bring Back Boredom" by visiting Break the Twitch. Below, you'll find the video of Anthony and I chatting about Everthrive, why I created my site, and what we can do about boredom. 

A bit about the process of creating guest content...

At first, I was daunted by the task of creating content for a site other than Everthrive. However, understanding boredom - taking time to really reflect, disengage, and grow from those stagnant times in life - is a subject I am very passionate about. I was so thrilled to have the opportunity to share my ideas with Break the Twitch's community! The video element was a challenge for me, as I'm not quite used to being video recorded, especially at close-range. Despite Anthony's very helpful and reassuring coaching, I was rather nervous about the whole filming aspect of the post. But, I guess I did OK? 

Looking back, I know that the experience of being filmed was invaluable. Watching the footage helps me to develop a fuller awareness of how others may see me, gives me a chance to reflect on how I express myself physically and verbally, thereby helping me to be a better communicator. 

Thank you, Anthony, for the opportunity to grow and share with you! 

Experiences, Not Things

My husband Josh and I greatly value vacationing together. Through shared appreciation for destinations different than the norm, we've grown closer to each other. We've tested our limits and affirmed our partnership by tackling and overcoming obstacles in places both familiar and strange. As a result of planning for travel and sharing adventures off the beaten path, we've also made a lot of amazing memories. 

Never once on our journeys did we purchase a souvenir. And, never once have we regretted it. In place of trinkets, we create memories that last much longer. In fact, we find so much happiness and importance in experiences that we rarely give each other traditional gifts.

As it turns out, considerable research has been done in support of our conclusions. What follows is five reasons why it is important for personal and relational growth to invest in experiences, not things. 

1. Experiences last longer in our memories than material items do. In contrast, memories - even the bad ones - become sweeter with time. These memories might fade, but the emotion and sentiment from the imprinted experience becomes a part of us. The result is a ripple effect: the experience expands our lives, builds on who we are, thereby making us more complete people. Our experiences not only become a part of us, they also connect us to others with whom we share experiences. We can try our hardest, but material things (even our mobile devices) cannot become part of us. We are the sum of our experiences, not our things. 

2. Since they enhance our character, experiences are a better personal investment than things. Enhancing character is something seldom added to our daily to-do lists, but character is important to think about, especially when you're building a personal relationship. Experiences help us to reinforce and model good character for one another. Experiences also give us defining moments - moments we can forever characterize ourselves by - making us into better people. 

3. Experiences are worth the wait. We plan for travel months in advance; as a result, we eagerly look forward to the moment of our departure, much like school children do when anticipating summer break. The work we do in planning - from booking the tickets and the rental car, to reserving rooms, tables, or activities - is totally worth it because it improves our experience. We might brave hours of airport waiting, security checks, and baggage hold-ups, but overcoming all of that will make the trip even more satisfying.

4. Conversely, I can't think of an instance where someone plans a trivial material purchase months in advance. Of course, we should carefully plan the serious purchase of a home, since things like homes will increase our quality of life for the long-term. But, would you really want to deal with a long-term hassle for a short-term product? Take a look at grocery store check-out lines on a holiday weekend, or crowds in Walmart on Black Friday: waiting in line to buy things brings a lot of discomfort, impatience, and anxiety. Personally, I would much rather wait in line for experiential purchase than a minor material purchases.   

5. More often than not, the material things we buy go out of style or become obsolete. When we purchase something new, we appreciate it and may think we love it. To us, the new thing is fresh and attractive, and mood-lifting endorphins flood our minds due to the act of purchasing. But, we get used to the once-new objects. We adapt, and the things become boring and forgetful. Think back to something you bought five or ten years ago. How many items that you bought during that time are still relevant to your life? Chances are that the items were forgotten, went out of style, or were replaced by a newer model. Memories can also be forgotten or replaced, but the originals still remain part of us. Like I mentioned in point #1, experiences shape us into who we are, and the ensuing memories become the building blocks of our individuality. If we invest in creating quality memories with one other, we will have happiness for the long term.  

Sometimes our experiences don’t seem so good at the time – like when Josh and I got the camper stuck in a volcanic sand trap while we were searching for a campsite in Iceland. We were really tired, hungry, and were starting to get short with each other, and then we got stuck in what we thought was an impossible situation. Miraculously, we were not only able to trial-and-error our way out of that hole, but we also endured another hour of hunting for a camping spot.  

In hindsight we are able to recall that evening with pride. We overcame several obstacles together, and are better for it. We saw how we both handled the stressful situation, and the result made us even more connected as a couple by increasing the respect we have for one another. Conquering tricky situations paves the way for potential opportunities to become better people, and becoming better people is the best gift of all.

Josh and I are definitely not the first to discover the benefits of seeking unique opportunities to make memories together. What we have discovered are the tangible benefits of seeking out experiences instead of material things.

Have you ever thought about allocating more resources towards creating experiences? I’d love to know how experiential gifts have improved your life. What you think about giving and receiving experiences instead of material gifts? 

Please comment below, or send me a message at ali.everthrive@gmail.com

Dance in the Mud

Finding Joy Against All Odds

New Belgium's Tour de Fat 2014: Logan Square, Chicago

You're at your favorite music festival. The greatest band ever is playing, and you're so excited to be there. But, it rained last night, and there is a giant mud pit where the dance area should be. Upon realizing this, your smile fades, red flames lap at your insides, and you suddenly can't have fun. This is terrible. Everything is terrible.

Why can't we embrace the mud? Why is it so difficult to see the positive side of a situation?

It's easy to tell someone to "Be positive!" However, someone who is stuck in the alluring, stimulating land of negativity doesn't want to hear such trite things. Oftentimes, I am this someone, hanging out with my negatives, languishing in the bad, just because it feels better. For me, an important first step not just to tell myself to "be positive!" In order to journey over to the Land of the Positive, I have to acknowledge the reasons I dwell on the negative aspects of life.

Science says that we are hardwired to dwell on the negative since evolution has shaped us into alert, danger-avoiding creatures. In prehistoric cave-man days, we often had to run from life-threatening danger while gathering food or protecting our families. Detecting the negative was imperative for our survival. Even though we aren't up against this type of danger in the present, we're still programmed with something called a "negativity bias." 

The negativity bias can be explained as the tendency of people to focus on the negative, since the bad ignites our minds more than the good. Negativity is like a drug. It stimulates us. Our minds are very sensitive to negative thoughts, emotions, traumatic interactions, difficult events, and tough social interactions. Negativity makes lasting impressions, outweighing the positive in many ways. 

Everyone knows that focusing on the bad can bring us down, and spread negative energy to others. Negativity can stimulate specific glands in our bodies that ignite a "fight of flight" response, raising our stress hormones (cortisol), and lowering the body's natural immunity. We can actually become sick from negativity. 

What can we do about this?

First of all, to focus on the good, we should realize that the Land of the Positive isn't so far away. And, we should be open to reaching this destination, just as long as we really appreciate it. Science also tells us that it takes much longer for our minds to "emotionally absorb" good events. Next time something great happens, take some time to really experience and appreciate the awesomeness. Soak it up. Take a mental picture. Conjure it up later when you're feeling blue. 

It's OK to take a break from the difficult realities of the world. Shift your focus from your super-charged Facebook feeds, CNN headlines, FOX news, Drudge Report, and all of that. Political and social realities are important, and need our attention, but sometimes it's good to come up for air. Recharge. Tune in to your immediate surroundings. Your home. Your partner. Your children, family and friends. Your unconditionally loving dog or cat. These aspects of your life deserve your love, your time, and your gratitude. 

Focus on creating something new. Creating a new recipe for the family dinner, write a letter to an old friend, create space between yourself and negative feelings by experiencing nature. Start volunteering for organizations that will be able to make a difference on the realities of many. Creating helps us grow with each experience so we can contribute to the world around us; contributing naturally infuses our lives with meaning and positive vibes. 

In order to save ourselves from the negative, we have to find joy despite the odds. We have to listen to our desire to succeed, to live, and to be happy. We have to embrace our metaphorical mud pits, understanding that dirt is harmless, and allow ourselves those incredibly meaningful experiences where positivity floods into our minds, bodies, and souls. 

Get out of the negative. Find joy against the odds. Dance in the mud. 

The Meaning of the Season

The holidays force us to make time to be grateful, to connect with family, and to engage in conversation around a plentiful table. We cook together, clean together, travel together in close proximity; we sleep on the floor so that the older ones can take the beds. We make room for the cat, for the dog, and we snuggle on couches with hot tea while watching the parade on TV. There is stillness and simplicity in breathing the same air as our mothers and fathers and grandparents. There is a calm that accompanies the repetition of time-tested tradition. There is a warmth that memories of the past bring to our hearts, and there is a sweetness in the expectation of happy holidays to come. Varying in type and degree across all kinds of families, our special holiday rituals give us that deliciously satisfying sense of closeness, presence, and warmth that pave the way to the New Year.

Sometimes all the truth and beauty of the holidays can be overlooked by everything leading up to it. Let's start with the first holiday of the season, Thanksgiving. In recent years - or perhaps it's been happening for ages - I've noticed that Thanksgiving has lost some of its closeness, presence, and warmth. Thanksgiving has gradually become a time for Christmas decorations and shopping. Most, if not all, major department stores offer Black Friday deals. For smaller businesses, there's something called Small Business Saturday, and then every retailer has their own version of Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, and so many more. Shops even open on Thanksgiving Day for Black Friday specials. Coupled into the biggest shopping weekend of the year, the sanctity of this historic day has been broken. 

If you peek back into history, you will discover that the date of the holiday was moved by Roosevelt to extend the Christmas shopping season by one week. How can we find meaning and importance in the beginning of the holiday season if Thanksgiving weekend is actually an economic requirement? 

Thanksgiving has lost its way in the American calendar. It has been stomped over and downtrodden by lines of intense, confrontational shoppers waiting to get their early-bird wristbands and buy the latest gadget or clothing item. Impatient and intolerant, we lash out at others if our expectations aren't met. Please google "racist rant at Chicago Michael's" to see what I mean.

Perhaps this Season of Thankfulness is only a cover-up for our economic dependence on compulsive materialism. We want to be "thankful," but here we are, circling laps through the self-indulgent lands of capitalism, running an inner marathon. We are too busy cultivating our outward thankfulness to realize what we are actually doing. In snapping selfies during the holiday season, our narcissism spills over in edited images of ourselves: Here's me being thankful! or, Here's me with the 24lb turkey I cooked! and again,  Here's me with my family! And of course, we must include all the appropriate ornamental hashtags: #soblessed #thankful2016 #passthegravy #thankfulday #countyourblessings #turkeycoma...

When families get together to share in their lives, wonderful results can occur. Generations collide and meaning is made. New truths are told and memories are wrapped up in hugs, laughter, and pensive moments before the dawn of a new year. Magical moments come alive, and we suspend our disbelief without asking How? or Why? And, when that magic returns to us, we smile at the echo of our parents' voices from many decades ago: If you are quiet, and listen closely, you just might hear the bells on Santa's sleigh...

Wonderful results can only occur if we intentionally shed at least some of the superficiality of the holiday. We really should be tapping into the true meaning of the season. In order to authentically feel the simplicity, warmth, and presence of the holiday, we should ask ourselves:

1. Why are we celebrating? 

2. What about this day (or moment) brings us joy?

3. How can we grow, even just a little bit, from an interaction with a cousin/aunt/brother?

4. Why are we going through such great lengths to produce a perfectly seasoned, succulent turkey?

5. Moreover, how can we extend our harvest of thankfulness year-round, and to others in this world? 

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and give thanks continuously...Because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Break the Twitch's Anthony Ongaro on Thriving

I'm very privileged to be able to include Anthony Ongaro in my new Everthrive Profiles project, in which I seek out individuals who are living their lives in "Everthrive" ways, and ask them "How do you thrive?"

Ongaro is a very inspiring person. He created a site called Break the Twitch where he exposes the "twitch." He defines this as a "compulsive, uncomfortable response to discomfort." For example, when we stop in the middle of a tough task and reach for our phones, we are twitching. When we mindlessly scroll through our Facebook feed and lose 30 minutes in what seems like 3 minutes, we are twitching. To dull the tedium of waiting for our train, we scroll through headlines on CNN. This is also twitching. Twitching doesn't always have to do with technology. You can get distracted by many elements in modern society, including television, shopping, eating/drinking, and even by playing video games.

To counteract the twitch, Ongaro promotes awareness. Instead of succumbing to the twitch, we should be aware of why we are twitching. Breaking the twitch requires us to minimize distractions, build good habits, and create opportunities to lead a fulfilling life. Through his blog and also through YouTube videos, Ongaro shows that everyone can live a life based on the principles of minimalism. He makes minimalism completely accessible, "whether they live in a mansion or an RV."

Naturally, I gravitate towards the ideas that Break the Twitch promotes, and I'm inspired by Ongaro's mission to motivate others to lead simpler, more authentic lives. In a recent email discussion with him about living to the fullest, Ongaro highlighted that the best way to live is to focus on authenticity first and foremost. What follows are Ongaro's ideas on how surpass survival, and how to really thrive.

In order to live authentically, I focus on the small actions that I do every day. Initially, I was very inspired by the Annie Dillard quote, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." It inspired me to begin focusing on what an ideal day might look like, as many ideal days compile into an ideal life. This helped me begin choosing small daily actions that I do every day and shifting as my priorities change. 

Making sure that I complete these small actions is how I make sure that each day I'm focused on doing the things that align with my values. Each person will have different things they choose to do each day, but I focus on writing 500 words every day, doing two sets of push-ups every day while increasing by two every week, and simply creating something every day. 

These are very simple but tend to be catalyst actions. I've always found that the hardest part about writing 500 words is writing the first 100. My first 500 words of the day often end up being 1,000 or more once the creativity starts flowing and this theory tends to apply to the other things as well. Doing my two sets of push-ups often leads to eating better or thinking about my other exercise levels more consciously. 

Building up and checking off these small actions nearly every day helps me stay focused on the things that will create my desired outcomes over time.

Time Heals

We are very fortunate to have a beach where we live. Locust trees provide for a little shade when we need it, and there are rarely any other people nearby. The absence of neighbors promotes contemplation, and the solitude invites childhood whimsies such as collecting sea glass.

Together, my husband and I have gathered almost three pounds of sea glass, which we keep in a jar in the kitchen window where the sun can play on it, creating constellations on the ceiling when the time is right. 

Sea glass is so fascinating. Its translucence. Its pale warmth when held to the light. Its simplicity. We think of it as treasure, but it's just the product of broken glass bottles, smoothed over by years of erosion. Sea glass is evidence of the healing nature of time.

Time wears down the sharp edges of the glass, producing after years those soft edges that we cherish. Just as time smooths a broken piece of glass, time can also heal our own jagged edges. Stress, tragedy, and illness can shatter our souls, but with time and energy our trauma can be relieved. The glass is still glass, we are still ourselves, but when we do the work to heal, our perspectives can change. Without our once-sharp edges, we couldn't be who we are today.

By embracing the power and beauty of our new selves, we can begin to understand why we had to endure that stress, that tragedy, and that trauma. We can collect ourselves, stand back, and admire our treasure. We can watch how the light plays on the smooth surfaces of our healthy and happy souls. 

“Time may smooth the stone, but time will never wear it away.” - Erin Hunter

"Put Down the Phone and Live your Life!" - Cupid

I was recently at a New Belgium beer and bike festival (check out my post about Tour de Fat for Chicago Beer Geeks) where my husband and I spent many hours experiencing interactive spectacles, delicious beer, live music and amusements galore.

On our way to see Mucca Pazza, a Chicago based nerd-core band, we encountered a traveling karaoke stage. A mother and her young daughter were in the throes of the final verse from "Total Eclipse of the Heart." A large crowd gathered around the stage. All eyes were on Mom in all her glory.

The Handsome Little Devils were in charge of this stage. One of them, dressed as an angel, invited spectators up to the stage to sing, the other, dressed as cupid, worked the crowd. Cupid interacted with spectators, pleading with them to have a reaction, to "Feel something!" And, of course, we reciprocated with clapping and cheering, until Cupid's "Feel something!" became directed at one man in particular. This man was on his mobile device, and his phone was comically situated directly between his face and the stage, as he must have been deeply involved in sharing his experience with the world. 

Cupid called him out, "Put down the phone and live your life!" The man was visibly embarrassed - everyone was staring at him by this time - so he stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

Cupid's plea echoed through the crowd, we looked at one another first in amusement, then in denial (No, no I'm not on my phone! That guy is!) and then in collective affirmation. Yes, this statement applies to all of us. "Put down your phone and live your life!" became subliminal, other worldly, a message from a higher power. Yes, Cupid was right. We should all put down our phones and live our lives.

We all want to participate in the awesome stuff of life. But, nowadays, it seems like the awesome stuff doesn't exist unless we post it to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Google+, and whatever new platform those internet gurus have created. Since we're so absorbed with online documentation of our lives, the importance of actually living is lost. It has become much more important to let others know that we are doing awesome stuff.

This idea links to a previous post of mine, entitled "Be Free" , in which I emphasize the importance of constructing definitive boundaries between ourselves and technology so that we can actually connect with experiences and people in the real world. Leave your phone at home, in your car, or be content that it is resting quietly in your pocket or purse. Turn on Airplane mode to reduce distractions. There are even applications you can download that can track your cell phone use.

The man on his phone at Tour de Fat wasn't doing anything wrong. He was exhibiting behaviors that exist in all of us. Sometimes life requires cell phone use, but most times, life does not. We all have one life to live, and we have the obligation to live our lives to the fullest. Life happens in real time, in real space, with real people and experiences. We shouldn't waste our times on our phones when we should be living our lives, out there*, in reality.

*I realize you may be reading this article on your phone or computer screen, so this world - the internet blogging world - should be referred to as "in here," while the real world is "out there." So, get out there! Put down the phone and live your life!

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Making Time to Live

Last weekend, I married the love of my life. The earth slowed, silencing its noise, and the only thing left was our two hearts beating as one. We experienced joy we had never felt before.

Since we are using this time to live peacefully, intentionally, and contentedly as husband and wife, I will resume posting in the last few weeks of July.

When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge

Last weekend, I enjoyed a long lunch in the city with my fiancé and our friend Jon. Afterwards, we needed to get to Lincoln Park, and had been planning on taking the CTA. But, when it came time to depart, we made the impromptu decision to walk. It was a gorgeous late spring day in Chicago - perfect for a four mile stroll.

This may not be the best example, but it is an example nonetheless. We chose to walk, breaking our pattern. We changed our plan. We simply traveled north, barely consulting our GPS. We decided to meander through the zoo - it's free! why not? - and, to my elation, we happened upon an amazing art piece near Lincoln Park Zoo's South Pond. I had seen photos of this arch in my Instagram feed, and often wondered where it was, reaching its curvaceous wooden beams towards the sky.

As the arch meets the sky, a pattern is broken, and an appreciation for art and nature takes over. Instead of thinking about the negative impact that civilization has on the world, we think of the positive. Our impulsive decision to forgo public transportation was validated. This arch offered us a zen retreat in the midst of car horns and bustling commuters. Surrounded by a natural prairie landscape, this place provided an entrance to a new world of calm and peace.

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” - Tuli Kupferberg
 

Stop Overthinking

"The more you overthink, the less you will understand."

-Habeeb Akande

“I'm tired of being inside my head. I want to live out here, with you.” - Colleen McCarthy. Photo taken outside of Detroit, MI, 2014.

I used to spend a lot of time overthinking.

Trapped in that never-ending "what-if" loop, I'd stress about how intruders might access my apartment. What if I left the candle burning at home? Will the hissing radiator explode while I'm at work? What if I made the wrong impression at dinner last night? What if I talked too much, or too little? Sometimes I'd feel for my wallet or keys three times in the course of a train commute. It made my heart palpitate a little less. 

I'd often ruminate on nonexistent symptoms. What if I had a terminal illness? I'd self-diagnose a skin anomaly on Web MD until concluding that I must immediately seek a specialist. I'd visualize my death, create my will, divide up possessions among family members, and my plan my ashes to be scattered at sea, despite a propensity for seasickness. In this real-life scenario, circa 2007, I actually did consult a specialist who, after a physical evaluation, told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and that I was worrying too much. At that moment, I didn't feel relieved. Instead, I felt like an idiot. 

I thought it was a normal part of life to decipher codes and hidden meanings everywhere. Doesn't every intelligent person do this?

Actually, no. 

At the times where my worrying reached its peak, I wasn't happy with my life. My unhappiness was caused by fear, which in turn revealed overwhelming, incessant worrying. I was afraid of being alone, afraid of failing, and afraid of my future.

Through analyzing my own experience, others' experiences, and through research, I've learned that overthinking is a symptom of the distressed and isolated. I've learned that fear can lead to social anxiety, and sometimes even avoidance of social activities altogether.

People who are afraid of social interaction have a tendency to self-medicate through various outlets, such as shopping, spending hours on Netflix, social media, or abusing substances or food. These distractions may help for a bit, but ultimately they mask our fear, helping it fester deep within our minds, until it explodes when we least expect it, destroying relationships and our health. 

When we feel that life is in disorder, we devote too much time to the negative. In fear, we overthink things, and we cling to solutions to the wrong problems. We dwell on things that didn't go well, and constantly think up worst case scenarios. Often, it’s a general lack of confidence that causes us to worry, or perhaps its that we feel that worrying will protect us from harm.

Yes, back in caveman times when we were hunters and gatherers, stress did actually protect us from harm, as in death via saber-toothed tiger. Fast-forward to present day, we still get the same stress signals, but from benign sources that aren't life threatening.

Now, at the prospect of failing, let's say, the written portion of the driver's test at the DMV, our hearts pump three times their normal speed, sending more blood to our limbs. Capillaries close down, sending our blood pressure up, so that we can theoretically "sustain a surface wound and not bleed to death. Even our eyes dilate so that we can see better" (Stress Stop 2009). Our bodies and minds have trouble telling the difference between an encounter with a saber tooth tiger and a multiple-choice test. 

There are ways we can help our bodies and minds acknowledge the difference. To combat overthinking   and overreacting, we can practice the following: 

1. Notice and appreciate our thoughts - If we take account of the situation, and put it into perspective, we might be able to understand the reasons behind our catastrophic thinking patterns. Some might suggest keeping a journal to chart the frequency of our negative thoughts. Once we pinpoint the reasons, we can take positive action to ameliorate our thinking behaviors.

2. Spend time outside - Nature has a way of soothing us, taking us back to simpler times. All is well when the birds are chirping, the streams are flowing, and animals scamper to and fro. Time spent on trail or camping might increase our confidence to a point where there is no room for worrying. 

3. Exercise - Studies show that exercise is very effective at increasing alertness, and enhancing our brain function by releasing natural endorphins, aka pain killers Physical activity can actually trick us into feeling happier, making us actually happier. 

4. Socialize - Seek out your friends and loved ones. Talk to them. Make meaningful memories with them. They can help you see past your worries, give you some perspective and alleviate your loneliness. 

5. Breathe - Take some time to breathe, in and out, slowly. This naturally reduces your blood pressure and heart rate, calming you down so that you can see clearly. 

6. Let go - Know that you can only control what you do, say, or feel. You can't control anything that happens "at" you, and you can't control what other people do. You are in control of yourself, so let all of those worries go! Be grateful for what you have, take action to ensure your immediate safety and comfort, and know that you will be OK. 

For more methods to overcome worrying, check out the following related posts -

Learn from Loneliness

Acknowledge Fear

Breathe

Unburden by Choice

Be Free

Creation over Consumption

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

-George Bernard Shaw
 

When I was a child, I spent my free time building forts with my brother. We foraged wood from nearby construction sites, acquired hammers and nails from the basement, and used power tools without consent. Adjacent to our dream homes, we sandwiched a small oven rack between some bricks, producing a small but effective stove where we roasted lunch meat to survive in our suburban Chicago backyard. It was 1993 and we were about 10 years old.

When indoors, we drew, sculpted, painted, and cultivated various amphibious creatures in tanks scattered throughout our two bedroom house shared with our parents and baby brother. We wrote stories, played endless games of Stratego, and were known to construct elaborate puppet shows, complete with sets, drapery, and lighting to entertain our parents during dinner.

We hit puberty, and our activities no longer fully aligned. He would go off with his friends, who would spend hours in the neighbor's driveway, perfecting their kick-flips, ollies, and riding fakey, while my best friend Julia and I played dress-up, and filmed intricate scenes based on the relationship between a girl and an eccentric gypsy, complete with commercial breaks. During winter, Julia and I were also known to don full snowsuits, pack two snickers bars each, and pretend to go ice fishing in the field behind our school. Our imaginations were at their peak.

As we aged, our collective creativity trickled off, mine nearly extinguished by the time high school was over. Adolescence had a kind of sobering quality; those years taught me that I would always be judged, and that others' opinions mattered. At least, that was my reality. My creative impulses became more secretive, isolated, and tinged with guilt. I knew I should continue writing, drawing, dancing, and playing piano - I felt guilty that I wasn't - but I also felt the magnetism of "adulthood" and "finding myself" and "real job." All these serious phases loomed over me, causing anxiety. Even though I wanted to grow up quickly and escape my teenage years, I also longed for a distraction. And, for a teen in the late 90’s, that distraction was the mall.

I discovered the elation of buying. The excitement of Anthropologie, which I felt was a store that truly spoke to me, due to its whimsical merchandising, artfully displayed clothes, and patchouli scented candles disguised as keepsake boxes. I didn't buy everything I saw. I was, and have always been, frugal and savings-oriented. However, visiting Old Orchard Mall on a Saturday afternoon was so much easier than facing the daily rigors of high school. I preferred to distract myself, losing myself instead of finding myself. Drifting in a sea of want, dazed by the anticipation of acquisition, and pacified by the instant gratification of a purchase. 

Most people find it much easier to consume rather than create. Creativity takes time, patience, and space to be inspired. Oftentimes, creativity necessitates isolation from our busy lives. None of these things come easily, as life can overwhelm us with increased responsibility. We long to revert to our childhood, a place of playful creativity, and eschew the anxieties of the present.

Instead of accepting the challenge to create or cultivate some aspect of life, we often find escape in our phones. We scroll through our news-feeds, and live vicariously through other people's lives. We switch to Instagram, where we absorb what has been labeled "digital crack" by The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, in one of their earlier podcasts. Succumbing to the anxiety produced by life's challenges, we pacify ourselves with various outlets of instant gratification. We do this at work, while commuting or waiting in line for coffee. Instead of connecting with ourselves, our tasks, and other people, we hide behind instant gratification.

Instant gratification is just that: instant, ephemeral, fleeting. Distracting ourselves doesn't help us to be better people. It only leads us away from our true selves and our goals in life. Instead of purchasing needless items, we can take account of the material possessions we already own. Instead of heeding the notifications of our devices, we can connect with those around us. It takes some effort, but it is very possible to access the creative impulses of our childhood.

When we understand the goals of creating and adding value to our lives, we will be able to focus on what will make us better people. We can find the strength to grow with each experience and moment, and to contribute to the world around us. When we find value in our lives, not our possessions or our distractions, we can add value to the world. When we create or cultivate meaningfully, we thrive.